Curse

Sagius Truthbarron · Sep 23, 2005, 11:20 PM // 23:20

I addapted this from another forum that I randomly found about Pen and Paper rpg Boss Battles or something.

Rule:
Make a random and culturally referenced story about well known people fighting bosses or something! I don't know, be creative. I just wanted to post this after digging it up a few weeks ago

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This was originaly made to kind of make fun of a big gibering thread about really strange RPGey thingsa that I did not understand

This is about the Beatles is you don't get that right off. I wrote this at like 6am and it contains alot of jibberish and random Video Game cultural references.

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I can particularly recall one evening while George, Ringo and I were setting off to hunt Shrew Faeries in the magical kingdom of Gozgoz.. Ah, yes, we were on a boat, in a river enjoying the tangerine trees and the marmalade skies.

Well, anyway, as we went along, watching the rocking-horse children play as we went, all of a sudden a whirl pool opens up right in before us! What were we to do?! Several of the rocking horse-children attempted to throw us a licorice rope but to no avail! By golly, one was eaten alive by wild jelly beans in the process!

So down we went into the great whirl pool! I can still remember the terrified look on Ringo's face!

"Where are we now, Paul?" George asked me as we found ourselves sitting on our boat, yet this time we were drifting about an underground stream in a narrow cave!

"Don't know, George, perhaps we should lay off the L-" Yet I was swiftly cut off by a loud scream.

"Ringo, what's - what's 'appening?!"

"Ma' pants, ma' pants are gone, George!"

"You're pants -"

"Yah, ma' pant's are missin'!"

"What could they 'ave gone to, then?!" I asked in the confusion.

"Good thing there's no light.."

"Right, you! Let's get this gondola rolling. 'Ant be gettin' ma' pants back with all the yapping"

As we set off through the dark we spotted a faint, blue flame in the distance.

"Wha's 'at, then?" George asked.

"Donnu, kind ouf reminds me of those Japanese cartoons where ghosts are always 'aving those blue flames about them. Perhaps a spirit from the after world 'as gone stolen my pants then, the devil."

"You know, I heard something about Greek mythology, something about a ghastly gondolier."

"You're right, Paul, I believe I've 'eard 'at one too."

And out of the blue, clear sky we ram hard something, something very solid!

"What's 'at, Ringo, you see any'ing?"

"Seems we run a ground. Right, anchor and disembark!"

"There aren’t an anchor, Ringo."

"Shut up and out of the boat with you!'

As we disembarked upon this strange landscape, we notice a strange curvature about the land we then stood on.

"What's tha' swishing noise?"

"Wha' swishing noise?"

"'At one, George!"

"Oh, sound's like we're moving."

"Moving?!"

"Look, the gondola's floating away"

"We're on a bloody turtle!"

"A turtle?!"

"I really think we should lay off the - George, it's that flame again"

As we watched, the blue flame began to come closer and closer, no one said a word in the process. As we came closer, we saw that it was a torch, a brass stand with a blue flame in it's burner.

Under which was a man with a purple hood, wearing many coats. As we stepped onto land the man opened his coat, saying "Hehehe, welcome!" as he revealed, he had many knickknacks, swords, shields and weapons under his coat.

"Hehehe, what're you buyin'?" he asked.

"Ooh, look at this nice Luger, Paul."

As we searched through the weapons cache, we couldn't help but feel happier with the lovely music playing in the background, and also the bounty of sleek weaponry, dusty relics and type writers.

As we finished up our business with the man (and George had finished selling a cache of pocket watches) we got our gear ready.

"Hehehe, thank you, come again." The man said "Remember, if you destroy fifteen blue tokens in the cemetery or farm I'll reward you handsomely!"

"Right, I'll try and remember that, then..." I replied.

"Look at these golden, twin Lugers that I bought, Paul!"

"Yes, you showed me already.."

"I bought a 'Buckler' and a 'Dark Bushido Peridot (1)' for 175k!"

"Wha' about pants? Did you buy new pants, Ringo?"

"Nah, didn't have enough money for pants."

"Right, let's get moving, where to?"

"Look, there's a big, spiky, red door on this wall behind us" I said.

"How're we te' get it open, though?"

"Not a problem, boss battle doors open automatically when you stand next to them!" stated Ringo.

"Come along!"

As we stood next to the doors, they slowly opened, revealing a bright light. As we walk into this great unknown, we started to see the makings of a square room about us, decked out in red velvet carpeting, with a small staircase in front of us leading up to a small hallway. Candles all about and a large stain-glass window thirty or more feet above us.

As we entered the doors shut suddenly behind us.

"Now why do these doors always take so long to open, yet always close in seconds?"

"Where's George?!" I demanded.

"I'm on the other side of the door, I saw this handy grenade launcher that I missed before, turned around to check it ou', and wouldn' ye' have it, the bloody door slams in my face!" We heard George softly mumbling through the door.

"Great, just great, first ma' pants, now we are a man short."

"Look, what's that?"

A figure had appeared at the top of the stairs with it's back turned, dressed in a blue cloak, with a strange cap that we could hardly make out.

"Who are you?!" I demanded.

The figure turned around swiftly, seeing it's clown-like face, we were struck with great terror. Ringo has a phobia of clowns, and all.

"I, sir, am the Blue Meany! My purpose in life is to force my conservative views upon the world, to steal your happiness away! From this day forward, I shall drain you and your teenster, beatnik, hippy friends of all that you consider good!

Insolent boys, no more shall you bask in the light of your narcotics; your music; your 'FREE LOVE'! NO! I, THE BLUE MEANY SHALL DRAIN YOUR SUNSHINE AND FORCE YOU TO LIVE A CLEAN, MORAL LIFE IN GRAY, CLEAN, MORAL, NON-SUNSHINE LAND WITH ALL OF MY UNHAPPY PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO FRIENDS!"

The statement took us by shock, and then the anger and frustration set in.

"Give me back my pants, you Meany!"

"Hwahahahahahha. Never! Besides, that's not even a curse. You have to try better than that! What are you? Five? Dude! You must try better!"

"No, I'm ... *counts on fingers* 36. Shutup!1"

"Nonetheless, I was being sarcastic: now, are we going to get this boss battle over with? It's 7:22 in the morning and I want to get some sleep."

"Right."

As I spoke, Ringo dashed at the Blue Meany, jabbing his sword into the Meany's hip.

"Ouch!" He said, grabbing Ringo by the face and throwing him across the room. At that point, I whipped out the UMP-25 I bought at that Strange Man's store and unloaded two clips into the Meany to no avail.

As I watched, the meany started to transform before my eyes, bubbling, even his clothes melding into his body until he became slightly taller, with a giant claw hand that looked like a bunch of skin tissue randomly placed around an arm.

"Oh, found ma' pants!" I heard Ringo yell in the background.

I attempted to reload, but seeing I was out of ammo, I stood up, and was about to put my head between my legs. When, again, out of the blue, clear sky I heard a sound of changing footsteps, the Meany, taking note, swung around.

The stain glass, high above, shattered with a long, wailing cry: "FAAAAAATHEEEEEEEEER!" It was George, falling thirty feet through the air, Lugers shooting like crazy into the Blue Meany.

As George fell with a sickening crunch, I looked above and realized a familiar figure. It was the silhouette of a small horse! "Creeeek!" it shouted, rocking back and forth. At that, a rocket launcher fell out of the sky.

I picked it up, aimed and yelled an insult. The Meany spun around, then there came the look of horror upon it's mutated face. I fired directly into it's stomach, after which, the creature exploded, sending marshmallow goo flying everywhere.

"Why is it rainin' creamed Marshmallow, Paul?" Ringo said, rejoining me.

"Dunno, I s'pose it's just another cultural reference."

George, climbing from the ruins of the stairwell also rejoined us, limping slightly. Then, if not to make matters worse, we heard a frightening call "SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED; ALL NON-ASSENTIAL PERSONEL PLEASE REPORT TO THE GONDOLA BAY"

"Creeeek, ooops."

"We got te' get out of here, Paul!"

"Hehehe" Said a familiar voice "You need spare parts for Gondola? I got what you need! Hehehe! Got all the best parts on Tat - the island! What you want to buy, eh?"
It was the man with all the junk, come to save us!

"11000 Euros?! I only got 5k, what you got, Paul?"

"Only 3k."

"I spent all my money on ma' sword."

"How’d it do?"

"Lost it, still got the shield, though."

Just at that moment, the rocking horse child fell out of the sky, right splat ontop the Strange Merchant.

"Right, take his garbage and let's get out to the Gondolas."

"Paul, I can't carry this Vulcan Cannon by myself!"

"Drop it! You mad? We’d sink with something that big. What're you playing at, George?"

"We could sell it to a Las Angels street gang, or something, you know. Make a few hundred k."

*Paul sighs.*

"I got it, what about the Turtle?"

"Bloody brilliant, Ringo! Bet we could load all his junk onto it, aye?"

After we had all of the stolen loot loaded up on the turtle, we were off, set sail as the cave crashed in around us, a fire ball traveling close tail. But we were fine in the end and made quite the show to the rocking horse people when we returned.

Not only did we delight the Rocking Horse People with the grand turtle that we had brought back, but we also sold them quite a few light arms for use in their war against the Care Bear people; but that is a long, different story, for another time, perhaps. But it all worked out well in the end.

quickmonty · Sep 24, 2005, 05:43 AM // 05:43

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sagius Truthbarron · Sep 24, 2005, 02:26 PM // 14:26

Isn't it great?!

Platinum Agent · Sep 24, 2005, 11:31 PM // 23:31

"Ungh...." Plat was dying from the blow to his head from the great boss Mougle.

The End!